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Backfire!

January 16, 2009

So while I was at The Wall, I was taking our school bus to and from school – 33rd and Main to Lynn Valley is a huge distance for a 11 year old to transit, so it seemed logical.  There were a lot of little kids and a small core of older kids.  And three of us from our grade in the middle.

The bus was shit.  It had trouble with hills, cold weather, hot weather, damp weather, snow, rain, stopping, starting, accelerating, decellerating, and pretty much any other road condition you can imagine that wasn’t clear roads in 12.5º and sunny weather.  It smelled funny ’cause Renzo (Our batshit insane driver.) didn’t like cleaning it and Puck kept eating yhogurt in the back and just tossing the empty cup on the floor.

But our favourite part of how shitty the bus was the fact that it backfired.  HUGE backfires, that is.  A great gout of black smoke and sparks burst from the tailpipe like hellfire itself, intent on bringing eternal torment to the unrighteous.  The bus made a series of predictable noises before it backfired, giving us a few seconds to pick people around us to watch reactions.

One of our favourites of all time was the little old lady with a daschund in her arms who tottering down commercial in the early morning.  She was one of three people or so on the street at the time, and was definately the closest, so pretty much the entire bus was watching her.  The poor bus gargled it’s way to the inevitable conclusion and let out a giant blast from the back; the old lady shrieked, threw her hands over her head and ducked for cover … launching the unfortunate daschund a good meter into the air above her, whereupon it dropped back down onto the terrified woman’s head, who shrieked again and sat down hard on the pavement.  The dog apparently thought this was a great game, yipping and jumping around her, knocked her down as she attempted to stand.  She shrieked a third time about being knocked over, before eventually tottering to her feet to screech obsceneities at the back of our departing, smoking, bus.

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