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On Kegs

December 12, 2008

A party coming up for the end of term had a lively discussion on it’s Facebook wall about things to drink.  There was a certain momentum in favour of the ubiquitous keg, but Tantalus, our host, is unsure.  He asked for an explanation of “the science of kegs” to which I gave him this:

It begins, as many things do, with beer. Lots of beer. Unlike the times I have lots of beer, something beautful happens when lots of beer has lots more beer. Love & carbonation happens. Again, much unlike when I have lots of beer – that just leads to lust & regrets. Indeed. Once all that lovin’ and beerin’ concludes, well, the yeast is discarded and other needs set in. Safety, security, comfort. A place to be. Lil’ keggy needs a home. While lesser beers can settle for cans, or bottles, were so fortunate to be brewed to privlege, lil’ keggy just cant be broken up like that. Other beers may be divided up, but not him. (Or her. I don’t know how to gender-check beer. Don’t want to. Probably be kinda wierd.) Lil’ keggy needs something special. Thus, the mysterious Keg is crafted from a single piece of aluminum, the only metal awesome enough to contain that much boozy magic.

Then we crack open its home and drink it.

He reply was “Thanks, but I’d asked for Science, not poetry.”

…I thought it was funny.

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