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A Second Run-In

October 13, 2008

I apologise, Internet, this one’s kinda long.

The second night in town, the night after my first little moment with Waterloo’s Finest, we had another fine moment.

Yiacchus was throwing a housewarming / welcome back to Kitcherloo party, so Jethe & Jaertes and I had Biam and Maia meet us at Victory Manor for a few drinks before we progressed across town on foot to Yiaccus’ place.

We arrived moderatly imbibed and immediately began meeting folks and carousing with our newfound friends.  Jethe & I were drinking wine, and lots of it, while Jaertes was slugging back a very nice whiskey (I suspect he failed to check the price tag before hitting the till).  We caroused well through the night, drinking immense quantities and meeting any number of people, most of whom I barely remember.  But Devil’s Blue Balls, did we ever have a grand time.  Ping Pong was played, sort of, and dances were cavorted.  Jaertes and I were somewhat forcefully introduced to a young lady – Calyso – by Yiacchus, who I’d’ve sworn I immedately perma-alienated by making fun of her brushing back her hair and preening a little as she was introduced to my housemate.

Biam, Yiacchus, Rhea, myself, Calyso, Jaertes, and Jethe

From the Left: Biam, Yiacchus, Rhea, myself, Calyso, Jaertes, and Jethe

Jaertes and I spent a goodly portion of the evening flirting with her and her less-present friend, who we later figured out was really there specifically to see one of the blokes that lived there, and there was no cause for the either of us to try.

After a giant dance party in the living room with Rhea, Tantalus, Yiachhus, Maia, and Myx to “Home For A Rest,” Jaertes pulled me aside to relay that he’d just had a … “interesting” conversation with another gent who lived there; who’d apparently staked a claim to Calyso and figured we should know.  Oh.  Jaertes backed off, and I was all set to until she came by wondering why we were neglecting her and I mentioned it.  Well, she went ballistic.  Seems there wasn’t any sort of claim-right existing, and this chap was way out of line for even suggesting such existed.  The lass was utterly livid, and took off to have a few words with the gentleman in question.  Jaertes, who’d wandered over mid-conversation likely with the intent of keeping my soused ass out of trouble, merely looked on stunned and confused that I’d somehow provoked such reaction, until I filled him in on the content of the chat I’d had.

Possibly the most fantastic collection of expressions in a photo from the night.

Possibly the most fantastic collection of expressions in a photo from the night.

Which led to both of us agreeing we were more confused than we were when the gent had first staked him claim.

Regardless, Calyso turned up shortly enough after, grabbed a spot on the sofa with us, and things were back to … normal?  Within half an hour, though, the party as a whole got restless, and we figured it was time to avail ourselves of one of the specific amenities included with the house they were renting – a community pool.

Thankfully, this didnt get as awkward as the photo would lead you to believe was immanent.

Thankfully, this didn't get as awkward as the photo would lead you to believe was immanent.

So we all up and hiked on over to this pool, and given that the gate was shut and Yiacchus had forgetten the key at their house, we all hopped the fence, or at least … tried to.  I jumped flawlessly, but landed terribly, failing to bend my ankles on impact and deeply injuring both heels.  I went to the doctor shortly after, and after an extensive round of X-Rays and anti-inflammatories, we discerned that I’d merely bruised all the cushioning tissues between the myriad bones in my heels as well as stressing (but not actually fracturing, thankfully) the key load-bearing bone in each foot.  I was quoted a recovery time of anywhere between four and eight weeks before I’m walking normally again – it’s nearly a month now, and we’re getting there, but I’m guessing 6 weeks is the most likely timeframe.

Regardless of my injury, we all dropped layers of clothing and hopping into the pool.  Swam and frolicked well in both our altitudes and the water, as well as laughing and joking about on the pool edge.  And then, well, ineveitably, there were two white-and-black cars parked next to the pool, and two gents in uniform staring at us over the fence.

Well, shit.

I was midway through getting dressed, and thus, continued.  If I’m getting arrested, I’d prefer to do it clothed, and given my earlier warning, I figured getting arrested was a sure thing. And, well, lo and behold, but one of the officers apparently thought I looked suspicious donning my trousers, and calls out “You, in the red hat, stop what you’re doing! …I said stop what you’re doing!” the second as I finish doing up my pants. To which I reply “I was putting my pants on, officer, should I take them off again?”

Ever classy, Earthman.

Said officer, however, needed some poor cove to make an example of, and my wit had just singled me the fuck out.  “YOU IN THE RED HAT – GET OVER HERE!”  The crowd is silent as I do my inebriated best to swagger confidently to the fence, somewhat hampered by the fact that I can barely walk on my fucked up heels. I go to jump the fence and realize right at the apex of my clamber that I can’t just jump down without re-injuring my heels, so I spin neatly at the top and slide down the side bars, landing in a slight stumble as I fail to consider how to get down from the uprights without impacting my injury.  Young Officer makes some comment about nearly breaking my damn-fool drunken neck, while Old Officer starts straight into “WHY WOULD YOU THINK I’D WANT YOU TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF?  DO YOU THINK I WANT TO SEE YOU WIENER?” (Honest to god.  Wiener.  Not penis, not cock, wiener.  What is this, grade 6?)  Before I can reply that, well, he told me to stop putting my pants on and then got angry when I finished, he starts up again; “DO YOU THINK I’M GAY OR SOMETHING?  DO I LOOK GAY TO YOU?!”  Apparently this warranted an answer of sorts, and I, in peak form now that I’m not in pain, drunk, and have someone to bicker with who’s plainly dumber than me drunk, reply with “Well, you say that like it’s a perjorative, sir…”  “WHAT? … DO … I … LOOK … GAY … TO … YOU?!!”  “You say that like that’d be a bad thing, sir, that sounds kinda homophobic…”  Realization hasn’t quite set in for Old Officer.  Young Officer, however, is looking a little worried.  “YOU HAVEN’T ANSWERED ME!  WHAT’D MAKE YOU THINK I’D WANT TO SEE YOUR WIENER?  DO YOU THINK I’M GAY OR-” at this point, Old Officer is cut off by Young Officer, who pointedly interrupts him to take my ID.  I give him my ID, and look frantically over to the pool.  Contrary to taking advantage of my distraction, everyone is at the fence, dumbly looking on.  …Hardly making the bold getaway I was hoping for.  Young Officer comes back with my ID, made some comment to Old Officer about drunk kids, and gave me my ID back.

There’s a brief surreptitious conversation between the Officers, before Old Officer goes back to berating me for my drunken sass, but at much lower volume, and carefully avoiding any mention of gayness. He goes on a great length about how he should toss my soused ass in the Tank overnight to sober up for insulting him while everyone else is hopping the fence and wanting to take off, but there he was, continuing on and on as he lectured me in the error of my ways.  I don’t remember any of it, though.  He was kinda all over the place, so frantic was he to give me shit for apparently questioning his masculinity while at the same time trying valiantly to avoid homophobia.

In time, though, Young Officer came over again, and took him off to one side, at which point we were “released” without rationale or explanation.

It was only on our way back that one of the girls crowed her way to an explanation for our hurried release.  “Oh my god, guys!  I got his number!”  she squealed, proudly showing off a business card with a phone number scrawled on it in pen.

I owe her.  Apparently in picking up Young Officer, she bought my ass out of the drunk tank. We strolled back to the house, well, I hobbled, but everyone else strolled, laughing and joking until we’re taking off our shoes in the foyer and realize that Jethe isn’t with us.  Seems we had his clothes, but not him.

Jaertes, Myx and Tantalus take off at a run hunting for him, Jaertes and Myx off up along the back roads opposite the pool, figuring Jethe had drunkenly hopped the fence and gotten lost, naked, wet, and cold.  Tantalus headed for the pool, wanting to make sure that he wasn’t still there.

Sure thing, there he was, still inside the fence and just starting a very inopportune conversation with the still-present police.  As Tantalus rolled up, in fact, he was just crossing the fence to contintue his conversation the the bemused and confused police, already in their cars and about to leave.  Jethe himself was so well into his altitudes that reality was long ago left behind, and within his liquor-hazed state, he somehow connected his missing clothing with the only people in immediate sight: Ontario’s Finest.  Upon crossing the the fence, he swayed his way over to the two squadcars and placed one hand on each, bellowing “OFFICERS…  WHERE ARE MY PANTS?!” as Tantalus grabbed him to usher him back to the house to re-dress and dry off.

The party continued well into the remainder of the evening, with me all crippley, Jethe nonfunctional, and Jaertes going nuts at the ping pong table.  I spent much of the rest of the evening on the sofa with Calyso, who was the only person who camped out with me for the entire time, though pretty much everyone did swing by to visit at times.

Jaertes getting me down the stairs at the end of the night after my idiotit injury.

Jaertes getting me down the stairs at the end of the night after my idiotic injury.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. November 21, 2011 1:54 pm

    You’re totally right with this piece.

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