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Yes, It Is

September 30, 2008

Seriously, old people are hilarious.  They’re terrified of caffeine as best as I can tell, and continually coming in to KW Cafe asking after decaf coffee.  I’ve never taken so many “small decaf” orders in my life.  It’s utterly bizarre.

Regardless of this immense market demand, we don’t have a decaf brew coffee on the go, we’ve just never found one that we like enough to actually give out to you folks.  So, we make it Americano style, and just neglect to tell them what we’re cooking up.  If they ask, we’re “making it fresh” and if they still push, we explain we’re making an Americano and what it is.  The second they hear that it involves espresso, bricks are shat.  Immediately and spontaeously, there are Epic Conniptions while the panicked elder launches into a tirade about how they asked for decaf, and it has to be decaf and how they don’t want espresso ’cause it’s bad for them and they just want a simple decaf coffee and why can’t I just pour a decaf coffee, they don’t want any of that fancy stuff they just want a small decaf coffee.

Apparently “decaf” and “espresso” just can’t exist next to each other and still maintain functional meaning.  They hear “decaf” and it’s all good, but the second they hear “espresso” afterwards they immediately forget that decaffination was mentioned at all, and have visions of massive amounts of caffeine being snuck into their drink and leaving them shaky* for months.

Honestly, I’m not going to lie about the caffeine content of this, I do work there, and I know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you want a decaf, and I say yes, shut the fuck up and pay me, then enjoy the coffee.  It’s fantastic every time, just shut up and let me get it to you.  I wouldn’t lie about this, it’s just not worth the effort.

(*more shaky than usual, that is.)

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Rachel permalink
    September 30, 2008 9:32 pm

    You just start ordering in your own custom decaf blend, I swear we sell just as much decaf as any other kind of coffee… apparently it’s the new trend.

    Oh, decaf keeps on ducking in and out of the latest hot new thing as this or that health rag publishes this or that study claiming caffeine will take 20 years off your lifespan or maybe it’ll add them on or maybe it’ll make your balls shrink to pea-size or maybe you’ll suddenly develop a pair of balls, or…

    Yeah, we could get a custom blend. But then again, our standard rationale is that it’d sit for so long as to be pointless. However, at Uptown, well, maybe the model’d be different, but we’ve not seen yet. And the employers aren’t willing to try.

  2. October 15, 2008 2:05 pm

    Replied.

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