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Information, Again

August 27, 2008

Yet again, I must stress that I don’t actually ask unessessary questions while I’m on the phone with members.  Really, honestly, I don’t care at all about you unless I know you, or you sound cute – and even then, I’m well aware you’re probably built like a whale and have the personality of a rabid stoat; merely sounding charming through the filter of a phone.

Let’s repeat that:  I don’t care about you. I’m being paid to sound interested in your situation because that interest results in our understanding of what’s wrong, and thus, a capacity to find a reasonable solution.

Now, to appropriately contextualize this, I’m not likely to go about asking questions if I don’t genuinely need to know the answer, please don’t fight me on this.

I had a woman phone in the other day, give me her membership ID, and say “My car needs a boost, send a truck to my house.” and go to hang up.  When I got her back to the line to get her address from her, she freaked.  “Don’t you have my address on file, what’s the good of me giving it to you if you can’t just send someone?  …”  etc.  I simply told her that they’re separate parts of the system, and that she’d need to tell me anyway.  More bitching, but eventually she gave me her home address.  It was like pulling nails.  When she sarcastically asked “Next you’re going to want me to tell you what car I drive, hah?” I almost laughed.  Or swore.  Instead, I said “Actually, yes.”

More shouting and middle-aged tantrum.  Yet again we went through “Don’t you have that on file, why wasn’t it registered when I signed up, just look it up, are you kidding you really want me to tell you?” all at high volume and shrill pitch.

No, I just love your voice so much I’m making you talk as much as possible.  Of course.

In all seriousness, we have issues with data acuracy and people moving without telling us and stupid shit like that – for all that it does auto-populate, we don’t trust or use the home address on file; and when calls used to auto-fill a person’s last vehicle they called for, we were having a lot of calls where people would see full cells and just forget to ask vehcle type.  We turned that “feature” off.

I figure explaining to a member that we don’t trust the information on file isn’t the cleverest idea, so I lie.  “Nope, we don’t have access to that info here, sorry, you’ll just have to tell me.”

Then, because she was a bitch and I was feeling spiteful, I left a note on her file that there were information inconsistancies with the member and we were not to use any stored information – confirm ALL call details, please.

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