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A Leisurely Pace

June 9, 2008

Speaking too slowly can piss me off, I can’t deny it.

But speaking too fast can be pretty damned irritating, as well.  Especially if you’re wanting answers in there somewhere.  I seem to get a lot of people who will launch summarily into an explanation of their precise location and circumstances (minus a useful address, of course), as well as directions to their location from each of the four cardinal directions, all interspersed with questions regarding their coverage and the nature of what we will do for this or that appliance that they need our help with.

And never once do they bother to slow down sufficiently to give me an opportunity to answer their questions, so often while I wait politely for them to finish, they interrupt themselves with an awkward “…Hello?” to check that I’m still there, and the moment they hear my voice on the other end of the line, they launch back into it again, never giving me a chance to actually answer their questions or genuinely respond.

These monologues always end one of two ways – a charged and expectant silence as they expect me to remember and answer all of the 20-odd questions that they asked over the span of their 3-minute schpiel, or, my personal favourite: “…and the bolts need tightening, I think.  So when can you be here?”

“So when can you be here?” always amuses me, ’cause for all that they’ve just talked for the past 4 minutes solid, they’ve never given me what I need to get them help.  I never get their member ID.  Ever.  Often, I only get their first name (Or for the pompous ones, the last one, as “Mr. Schwimmer” demonstrated the other day.).  Frequently, they assumed that I’d already gotten them on the computer, and neglected to even tell me what sort of machinery we are expected to be helping them with.

Given their eveident rush, I take a perverse delight in making them go through the entire set of details all over again, so that the paperwork is filled out properly.  Seriously, folks, if your input is so important you can’t stand to be interrupted for an entire 3-minute monologue, you obviously should be ecstatic at the opportunity to further elucidate your situation to me.

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