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January 20, 2008

A little while ago, last semester, really, I met a somewhat ineteresting guy on the bus – he knew a girl I was bussing with at the time, so conversation struck up, and in the course of a conversation with my co-worker, he mentioned that he has “won” a free toaster tattoo, anywhere on him; in response to our puzzled looks, he replied that it was following the old sales pitch, “‘Y’know, sell ten, get a toaster’, well, I’ve sold my ten…” As in, converted ten guys to being not-straight.  I laughed and replied, well, they were likely already bent, and just not aware of it yet, and he, half jokingly and half hopefully, mentioned that he could probably convert me, too.

No.  Sorry, mate, but I’m quite certain that I’m straight.  Blokes just don’t do anything for me.  First, he alleged that it was a lack of open-minded-ness, and really, I wouldn’t know until I’d tried.  No, no, really.  I do know, I’ve been drunk enough that a dude’s planted one on me, and, well, nothing.  Then, he segued into it being a matter of quality, and that he’d just given a shitty performance.  “I could, though.  It really is just a matter of quality of experience.”

See, no.  Again, to start a paragraph with a sold negative, but no.  It doesn’t work that way, sexual orientation is not merely a matter of physical stimulation.  Hell, it’s only barely a matter of physicality, given that there are people of all orientations, perfectly happy in their personal orientation, who have little or no pysical stimulation to reinforce their preferneces.  Hell, there are people whose preferences are physically impossibly, what turns them on so improbable, so impossible that they could never in reality reach a state whereby the phyiscal world could ever satisfy their inclinations, especially not legally.  (Really, just google “guro” … there’s not even photos of that shit, they have to draw it.)

You could hardly claim that a man who masturbates’ orientation is to himself, or even gay, given that it is, really, a man giving him that stimulation, and there are a large number of men for whom masturbation is their only sexual recourse, or their best one, regardless of their sexual preference.

Simply put, merely because something can physically stimulate someone doesn’t mean that they will be sexually attracted to the object.  The same goes for people and genders.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. January 20, 2008 10:36 am

    Interesting post.
    Good for you. It’s a wonderful thing to know what it is that you want, and what brings you joy and pleasure. Seriously, too few people have that self-awareness. It becomes pretty clear just how many when you start cruising people’s private thoughts in their blogs (how ironic is that?).
    I was brought up to believe that all gays are going to hell for sodomy. BUT, I’m an adult now and can think for myself, thanks. I pity those who believe that damnation of the soul can be bought for so little. But that’s another subject. . . Point is, I wanted to thank you for sharing this thoughtful post.
    I wonder how much of the hullaballoo over orientation is caused not by people’s actual preferences, but instead by the need to label or pigeonhole people. Which is a bad habit and socially greivous. I’ve loved guys that were gay – but only in a friendship/fraternal manner. I’ve loved women in about every way a man can love a woman. Never found animals very sexy. I have a biological revulsion to children as sexual objects – but I intellectually understand several scenarios of pedaphilia. Necrophillia is repulsive and I never could find any rationalization (only the pathos of severe OCD or fear of rejection). BUT – I don’t condemn anyone for their thoughts or actions; I condemn some acts as perverse, but people go far beyond their sexuality.
    Peace and Awareness.

    At first I though you might just be being facetious in your comment, but… As I threw out here, orientation is both a yes-or-no thing, and a very large grey area. Pigeonholing someone seems like a really shitty and purile thing to do, no one really deserves to be labelled based on what or who they do, and judged based on that unrelated to the rest of everything else that they are. However, it’s also quite a simple thing, in that either you find someone or something attractive or you don’t, and you know exactly how that works. There are no grey areas of “Just not convinced yet”; when you hear that, it’s called denial. Either denial of being fully straight, like so many scenester myspace-bi’s, or denial of being bent in some way, as is the way of many straitlaced, “well-brought-up” people who don’t want to have to confront that side of themselves, a side they were taught was “evil” or “dirty” somehow. Trying to convince someone that they’re bent is about as likely to work as trying to talk a fish into flying – most of the people you talk to aren’t even capable of “flying” and the ones that are, already do, or don’t want to hear about it from you. Denial involves denying it, and if they can pretend to themselves that that’s not them, they sure as hell aren’t going to fess up to someone else.

  2. January 20, 2008 7:12 pm


  3. Tara permalink
    January 20, 2008 9:50 pm

    The amount of times that I’ve told someone I’m bi and I get the response “no, you’re not, you just haven’t decided yet” sickens me.

    I know quite a few people who could be swayed by that guy simply because they’ve never given the idea a chance – and a lot of people have some sort of curiousity or interest that they haven’t even discovered yet. You aren’t one of them, and I find it really, really funny that this guy couldn’t pick up on it.

    Yeah. This article here identifies female “bi” as scientifically proven to be a separate sexual identity from straight and lesbian. So throw this in their face and laugh.

    Also, well, a lot of people would like to assume that the rest of the world is as conflicted as they are about their own identity. I have conflicts, I can’t pretend otherwise, but mine are more external. I know who I am, know what I do & don’t like about that person, and am fine with the way things are. In this case, I don’t mirror his desire to compensate for perceived appearance deficiencies through promiscuity, and either prove sex-abilitiy through excessive discussion or self-prove attractiveness via picking up total strangers.

    I’m totally willing to use my talents to pick apart near-strangers though. That’s still fun.

  4. January 21, 2008 12:28 am

    Said my piece.

  5. January 23, 2008 4:17 pm

    Why is it we’re so concerned with labels? I’m all for letting people figure themselves out on their own. I recommend it, actually. Self-knowledge is one of my highest personal and social values.
    I think to some degree, we are all somewhat “situationally sexual”, which is to say that under certain circumstances, we would seek gratification in whatever manner was convenient (keeping in mind that the state of convenience must take into account our personal morals and proclivities).
    People are usually seduced for one of two reasons: they are not grounded in their own convictions, or they desire to be seduced so that they can lay blame on that which seduced them (as Eve did at the Tree). As an exception to this, some are seduced because of a conflict in values – they need cash more than they feel guilt over prostitution (and this works on so many levels, not merely sexual), or instant gratification has a higher value than what they profess as their morals, etc.
    It seems there are a great many folks around, though, who are either afraid or unwilling to face the truth of themselves. I’m very curious why that is . . .
    Be well.

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